Author: Brigitte Nioche

Author of Getting Over Growing Older Other titles - Dress to Impress, The Sensual Dresser, What Turns Men On.

Love and Sex – Don’t Give Up On It!

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Does love and sex have an expiration date?  Certainly not! And the men and women who live into their 90s and beyond prove this again and again.

For example, we read a lot about what is going on in retirement homes – and it’s a lot – or about couples in their 80s getting married. Or how seniors who go-on line to find a new partner after their wife or husband died, which the many over 50 dating sites confirm.

Of course when going on line chances of success might depend on how far away someone is from 70. Being 40 or 50 or 60 might give more choices, but that should not hold one back from trying. A friend of mine just told me that his 90 year old father whose wife died recently went on a dating service site to check things out.couple-in-egypt-jpeg-2

Oh no, please don’t shatter my believe in love and romance by telling me he is only looking for a housekeeper. I am the eternal optimist when it come to love. I think you can be in love at 20 and at 100, or anywhere in between.

Many older women say ‘not for me anymore.’ Do they really say ‘no?’ Or are they afraid of not finding somebody, so they have shelved that part of themselves.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying we should always be on the prowl,  or hang out in bars, but we shouldn’t close the door when somebody comes walking through. And maybe you don’t want to be somebody’s wife again – been there, done that – but wouldn’t it be nice to have a companion to share your thoughts and feelings with? Maybe a friendship with benefits, as it’s called today. (The expression comes from a film by the same name which was released in 2011).

My friend Danielle – no, I won’t tell you her age, but she is no youngster – is  divorced for many years. Then she met James who had recently lost his wife and was lonely.  After a year he asked her to marry him but she said no.

“Don’t you love him?” I asked her

“Yes I do and I enjoy the sex, but I don’t want to be in a marriage again, and I don’t want to live with him either.”  A friendship with benefits indeed.

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Martin, an acquaintance who is about 40 years old told me, “A man can feel if a woman is available or not. It’s not something she does or says.  I can’t really put my finger on it but I can tell right away when I meet a woman if  she is willing.

Maybe the happiness gurus are right when they say your thought can control your destiny. Could that be why some good looking, attractive women are alone and others – not so  good looking – are with a man? Does their thinking make the difference and not their look?

It might be time to find out by changing how we think and open the door for a little fun, or even a friendship with benefits!!

And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything

brigitte-headshotBrigitte

 

 

 

 

Mentors Needed for Social Media Tasks

Published on by Brigitte Nioche4 Comments

The last time I talked about what impact Social Media has on older people. How it can improve the rest of our life. How it will give us a purpose, something to do, but most importantly how it will connect us to this new world. But we can’t do it alone. We need help. We need a mentor.

The definition of a mentor in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.

Yes, that someone used to be us. We used our life experience to give advice, to lead and to teach. But now there is a new reality. One that unfortunately disregards what was valuable before the Internet. And anybody born with an iPhone in their hand does not even want to know of how it was before. I have two grandchildren, 12 and 9 and when I forget that something which is not on the computer is of no consequence, and start telling them a story about the old days -being well brought up – they feign interest, but never take their eyes off their iPhone.

So to catch up we need a mentor – but where can we find one?

  • Senior Citizen Centers
  • Public Libraries
  • At work – if you still work, or volunteer ask your younger coworkers
  • Online – if you already have a computer (but remember going to classes with other humans will feel better and you will learn easier)

And if you live in New York City or vicinity contact:

  • New York Department of Aging
  • Senior Planet
  • OATS – Older Adults Technology Services

And finally the grandchildren. They love to help when it has to do with the Internet. They even take their eyes off their phones to show you what to do on yours. Of course we have to be humble and grateful for their help as otherwise a remark like – ‘Moma I will give you an easy one so you won’t have trouble doing it’ – coming from a 9 year old will sting.

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Learning what to do on my iPhone –

Mentors come in many forms and shapes, young, younger and very young. Peu importe – every bit of information will help. Good Luck!

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And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything!

Brigitte

 

 

 

social media and boomers

SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Published on by Brigitte Nioche11 Comments

Retirement – a dream come true for so many, including the baby boomers whose numbers, according to statistics increase by 10,000 every day. Retirement fulfills the dream of not working anymore, of being free and walking on the sunny side of the street. But how sunny is that street. A street that might stretch for 10,20,30 year to come. And what is there to do on that street?

Some find their grandchildren there, or they find places to travel to, or helping others by volunteering, but will these really carry us to the end of that long road? Maybe and maybe not.

But there is something that could make us walk along that street with our head held high and feeling once more that we are part of the world and not just passing time. What is it?

Social Media

Here I have to take a moment and tell you how much I have resisted it. I didn’t like it. I struggled with it, and even went as far as I thinking I didn’t need it. Truthfully I would have preferred not to start and end my day with opening and closing that square window in my office which is part of the computer. So what made me change my mind?

Social Media

Why don’t you go online? Follow us on Twitter! Do you have a Facebook page? Get your statement by going to our website. Do you want to pay on line?  These are all questions facing us at one time or another and there is no getting away from it –  so the answer is (excuse the cliché) if you can’t beat them join them.

And by joining them we can:

  • Learning a new skill
  • Giving our life a new purpose
  • Connecting with the world
  • Feeling once more part of the world

Oh, all this is a challenge and not so easy to do. But haven’t we overcome lots of challenges in our life – why not this one?

To help me do this I have been looking for a program that will teach me. No, not online because that is where my problem lies and I won’t get it. So if you are like me, and want to take on this new challenge, try to find a class you can attend in person. Most libraries have such classes and even computers you can practice on. Or ask friends who already made the connection to Social Media to search the web to find a course for you.

And above all don’t be part of the 35% of seniors (a statistic mentioned by Senior Planet founder Tom Kamber) who don’t have a computer. If you don’t have one, get one and if you have one, learn all about it -be on the highway of life not on a  road leading to nowhere.

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And never forget – A Smile Changed Everything!

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train station ticket booth

REAL PEOPLE COMPETING WITH VENDING MACHINES

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Vending machines have been part of our life for a long time, but last week when I wanted to buy a train ticket they competed with a real live person.

Pennsylvania station in New York is a very busy place. Trains are leaving from here to Washington, Florida, New Jersey and Long Island. Never having gone to Long Island I was not sure where to buy my ticket. So I walked up to a young, very young policeman in his early 20s and asked,

“Where can I buy a ticket to Long Island?”

“Over there on the ticket vending machines.”

Wondering where ‘over there’ was I looked in the direction he had pointed to, and seeing my hesitation he said,

“Or do you want a real person to help you?” (is there any other kind?)

“Yes, that might be better” I answered.

“In that case turn right at the end there and you will see glass windows where real persons sell tickets.” and making sure I had understood he said again with great emphasis, “A real person will help you there.”

Following his instructions I found the windows and a real person sold me a ticket.

Of course there will come a day when the vending machines will win and there won’t be  real persons behind glass windows to help us, but until then ‘let’s all enjoy the real people!

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And never forget- A Smile Changes Everything!

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appearance self-respect

APPEARANCE EQUALS SELF-RESPECT

Published on by Brigitte Nioche2 Comments

If you are like me and you like looking at pretty things, including  pretty, well-dressed women this is a little reminder not to forget ourselves. The French have a lovely expression when looking at a beautiful woman –  ‘se rinser l’oil’  – it means ‘to feast your eyes.’

And if you tell me that I am putting too much emphasize on appearance, stop and think a minute – doesn’t the first impression influence us in forming an opinion about a person? Of course this is nothing new.

Here are a quotes going back as far as the eighteenth-century.

‘Dress changes the manner’  – French philosopher Voltaire   voltaire

‘People who can’t get  it together are uninterested in themselves’  – American designer Halston

‘A respectable appearance is sufficient to make people more interested in your soul’ – French Designer Karl Lagerfeld

‘The clothes we wear send a message about how the world perceives us’ – Tim Gunn from Project Runway (Maybe it was one of your favorite programs?)

Now looking our best does not happen by itself. Not even the models smiling down at us from the pages of magazines get up in the morning looking glamorous. But we all know they have a lot of help before they are photographed for the pages of Vogue. And even women who are not models, and that is most of us, need a little help. And the person to help you, is you.

Take some time to create the picture you want the world to see   —  and wouldn’t it be nice if somebody would feast their eyes on you?

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And never forget- A Smile Changes Everything!

2016-01-27 12.40.02 (5)Brigitte

 

 

 

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ALONE BUT NOT LONELY

Published on by Brigitte Nioche2 Comments

alone but not lonely - Brigitte Nioche

When I first lost my husband it was a difficult time. I felt lonely. I felt left behind. Daily life was not fun anymore and the worst thing was to go to a restaurant. Sitting alone and seeing mostly couples around me made me wonder if the world really moves in sets of twos?

But with the passing years things changed. Now when I sit in a restaurant and look closer at couples – older and younger – who I envied before  – I see something else.  Some look like they wished they were somewhere else. Some don’t say a word to each other all through their meal. Some are on their cell phones, and sometimes both are. But if only one is busy on the phone their partner looks increasingly displeased.

Observing this I feel relieved and grateful that I can just enjoy my glass of wine, and  going even step further I remember my blessings:

  • I don’t have to cook everyday
  • I can come home late or later – or not at all
  • I can buy that expensive handbag without having to justify my purchase
  • I can stay up as late as I want
  • I don’t have to wash socks
  • I can travel anywhere I feel like going
  • I am free to do what I want- when I want

These are just a few of my reason, but I am sure every single woman reading this and enjoying her freedom has her own list. Would it be too much to ask to share it with us? Grateful if you could leave a comment!

And never forget – A Smile changes everything!

Brigitte

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DOS AND DON’TS FOR HAPPINESS – FLOWERS

Published on by Brigitte Nioche4 Comments

happiness flowers

Sharing a few friendly words with another person, even a stranger in a supermarket or a train station, or when the situation allows, is easy. All you have to do is smile, ask a  question, and start the conversation.

This is what I did last Saturday. I walked up to the flower display at Loews, where a lady was looking at the flowers too.

“Aren’t they pretty?” I asked her

“Yes, but then you never know how long they will last, how fresh they are, and if you like them when you get them home.”

This is a DON’T.

Watching her walk away without flowers I was wondering how somebody can have so many excuses for not wanting a splash of cheerfulness in their life. (No, she didn’t look like she couldn’t afford to buy flowers.  She was very well dressed and groomed). And it was not the flowers fault either, they looked very fresh.  It was her negative attitude that prevented her from taking home a pretty bunch of flowers which would have added a ray of sunshine to her day.

Andrew Weil M.D.  who often appeared on Channel 13 giving advice on how to make us feel better, always mentioned that flowers should be part of our life, because, besides their beauty, they give us energy –

 

…but you have to buy the flowers first!

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If YOU have experienced any negative or positive behavior it would be wonderful if you shared it with us. It will remind us how to embrace the positive in life, and how important it is to get rid of anything negative.

Thank you for participating in this quest.

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And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything

Brigitte

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WHY LIVE A COMPLICATED LIFE?

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Why Live a Complicated Life?

  • Miss someone?  ….  CALL                    
  • Wanna meet?  ….  INVITE
  • Wanna be understood?  ….  EXPLAIN
  • Have a question?  ….  ASK
  • Don’t like it?  ….  SAY IT
  • Like it?  ….  STATE IT
  • Want something?  ….  ASK FOR IT
  • Like someone?  ….  TELL THEM


NOBODY WILL KNOW WHAT’S GOING IN YOUR MIND.

IT’S BETTER TO EXPRESS RATHER THAN TO EXPECT !!!  

           We have just one life. Keep it simple. BE HAPPY !!!!

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And never forget….A Smile Changes Everything!

Brigitte

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STORY BEHIND THE NEW COVER

Published on by Brigitte Nioche2 Comments
Yesterday I announced the revised cover for Getting Over Growing Older. Please join me over at Change It Up Editing with Candace Johnson to learn the story behind it. And don’t forget to let me know in the comments what you think of the new cover!

Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover: Guest Post by Brigitte Nioche

by cyjohnson5580@gmail.com

getting-over-growing-olderThe self-publishing authors I work with understand that a professional team of editors and designers are needed to create a quality book that can stand out in a competitive marketplace.

But what happens when the cover you choose hurts instead of helps your book? Do you stick with the cover you and your designer worked so hard to create, or do you go back to the drawing board?

Brigitte Nioche, author of Getting Over Growing Older: A Humorous Memoir of Discovering the Challenges of Aging, faced that dilemma several weeks after her book was published. In celebration of the re-release of her book, she’s agreed to share her story with you:

I believe we all judge a book by its cover! Viewing a book’s cover is like getting a first impression when meeting a new person—that first impression tells us if we want to see more or not.

It is the same when we browse in a bookstore, or even when we scan the pages of Amazon. A cover or title either catches our interest, or we pass over that book.

Several weeks after its debut, I decided to change the cover of my recently getting-over-originalpublished book, Getting Over Growing Older. If you saw it on Facebook, Twitter, or on my blog, you will remember that it prominently featured a picture of me.

The Reaction Wasn’t What I Expected

And the reaction I always got was “Oh, that’s a nice photo of you,” but that was not the message I wanted to convey. By putting my picture on the cover I wanted to show readers Read more of this post

cyjohnson5580@gmail.com | September 15, 2016 at 10:06 am | URL: http://wp.me/p7jJkx-T5
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A BOOK COVER – THE FIRST IMPRESSION

Published on by Brigitte Nioche1 Comment

The cover of a book is your first contact with an author and his story.

If you have been to my website and read my blogs you will have seen the cover of my book Getting Over Growing Older with the header displaying a photo of me.

Since the reaction of the  buyers always was “Oh, that’s a nice picture of you” and since that was not the reaction I had expected or the message I wanted to convey, I decided to change the cover – and instead of smiling at you, I hope the new cover will tell you more clearly what the book is about, namely sharing my personal experience of growing older, and assuring women in their 40s or 50s plus that growing older is not only about going down hill. But it gives us a chance to enjoy life in many new and interesting ways.

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Now that you have seen the new cover I would mean a lot to me if you would tell me how you like it. Please leave a comment or email me at bbnnic@gmail.com

Thank you so much

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And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything

Brigitte