Category: Relationships

A CALL TO AN OLD FRIEND IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Published on by Brigitte NiocheLeave a comment

…..TO YOU AND HER OR HIM!

During this time of the year I always get a little weepy, and the goodwill towards the world in my heart suddenly awakens from its hibernation it went into after last Christmas.

Getting out my address book all the ghost of the pass stand up – Oh, look there is Maureen – wonder what happened to her – going further there are lots of Maureens I have not been in contact with for a while. Actually rather a long while, which makes me impatient and writing a card and maybe not getting one back won’t do. So I make a phone list – I know phones work in two ways and it is tempting to think – well she could have called me too – but she didn’t!

I had a friend who said  ‘if you don’t call your friends after a while  you won’t have any.’ I first doubted that, but through the years it proved to be true.  The reward of making the first step is hearing the delight in the voice on the other end of the line, “Is it really you Brigitte? who would have thought? How have you been? I often thought of you and wondered how you are.”  It is hard to get a word in at first but eventually you get the chance to say how often you thought of them too!

By making the first step you will not  only find your friends back, but also wonderful memories  of the times you shared together.

Always remember – A Smile Changes Everything

Brigitte

 

 

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Old Friends Can Be New Friends Again

Published on by Brigitte Nioche4 Comments

Women, Girlfriends, Nature, Walk

Articles in newspapers and magazine, including AARP, TV programs, many featuring health experts, and even doctors now all agree that loneliness can cut our live short. But advice how to overcome it varies.  One idea, however,  keeps popping up again and again:

“You must make new friends!” Not impossible but easier said than done. Yes, I am out there meeting new people but they don’t always turn into friends. And if they do we have little history together and making history  takes time (and  how much time do I have?)

So when the other day I was cleaning out a desk drawer I saw an old address book. I opened it slowly and started reading the names – oh, there was Janine’s name – I remember her as a fun person always ready for a joke. And there is Peter’s name – did he ever get  married to the girl he was dating? After thinking and wondering for a while I told myself to stop wondering and to pick up the phone and dial the number I still had – surprise  – it worked-and many other worked too. And if you wonder how to start a conversation after 5-10-15 years, my opening is,  “This is a voice from the  past, this is Brigitte.'” Silence – but not for long,  “Oh, really  what a surprise – how have you been? How nice to hear from you….” and so on and so on.

One of my here is a voice from the past calls was to a couple who had attended my son’s wedding 20 years ago . It took us close to an hour to catch up a little, a promise to meet soon and not to lose touch again was confirmed by exchanging emails.

I have other examples, but I don’t want to bore you with my friends. I am sure  you have an old address book too! Reading through it is a nice way to walk down memory lane and to bring back the past – now being older the past is something we need more than ever.

And it might only be  a phone call away – make that call and say ‘here is a voice from the past!’

And Never forget – A smile Changes Everything!

Brigitte

 

 

Find A Roommate. What At My Age?

Published on by Brigitte Nioche4 Comments

 

Did you have roommates when you were young? When you went to college? Or before you got married?

I recently came across some information  I want to share with you, but first let me say this.

In the beginning of life we make concessions and find it quite normal. Now being older, being  at the other spectrum of life compromising might be the answer again for the daily increasing number of baby boomers. Many of them live alone because their spouse died and the children, besides having their own life, live far away. A lot of advice is given on how to keep busy, how to connect with the world, how to make new friends, but all this is easier said than done. And not everybody is proactive enough to create a new life for themselves, making loneliness their biggest enemy.

One way to overcome this is to  step back in time – be somebody’s roommate again. It will help to overcome:

  • loneliness – you won’t get up every morning and not see another face
  •  paying a high rent – sharing a house you will pay less
  • receiving rent –  will help pay expenses of your house
  • staying in your home because you share expenses with a roommate
  • you have support when you get sick
  • you can share interests
  • it will avoid moving into a retirement community one day
  • it will be good for your health – (it is commonly known today that people who live alone are more at risk to get depressed or ill.)

Whenever I speak to someone who complains about being alone and I suggest that maybe a roommate could be the answer, the reaction is “Oh, this is not for me, I couldn’t live with a stranger.” (remember they won’t be a stranger for long once you move in together).

I read an article recently about two women who were living together but had been total strangers before becoming roommates. They admitted that it was an adjustment, but  once they had overcome some hurdles, now enjoy life again. One of the women described their success this way: “I learned to love her dog, and she learned to love my cat! And now we have things to share and we don’t feel alone anymore”

Of course how to find the right person is a big question – and here is what I want to share with you, a website that has all the answers.

http://www.silvernest.biz

Home Sweet Shared HomeFind Your Perfect Housemate

A unique roommate matching service for baby boomers and empty nesters

Even if you don’t think this is ever for you, spend some time to check it out. If nothing else it shows possibilities and ways of how others manage to overcome loneliness.

Image result for photos of older ladies

 

And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything!

Brigitte

 

PS. Silvernest covers all states in the US

 

REFLECTION – A Good Friend is Forever

Published on by Brigitte NiocheLeave a comment

friend-are-for-keeps  Friends, old friends, you have not seen or heard from in a long time are like misplaced treasures. I have often heard somebody say, “I had this friend, but we lost touch, I don’t know what happened.”

Where is that friend now? Do you wonder some times? Maybe this is the moment to get on your Facebook and try finding her (or him). She, like you, might be regretting to have lost touch. Loosing touch is nobody’s fault – it’s simply because life gets in the way robbing you of what once was part of you.

But it is never too late to start again, and you will be surprised how delighted your friend will be hearing from you. And having social media to help you will make it a fun project.

One of the reasons I call old friends treasures, especially when we get older, is because we share a history together. We can walk back memory lane and revisit the good and the bad of our past.

Another reason for appreciating old friends is that socializing is not what it used to be. No, not because we are older, but because today it is difficult to meet people – in person.

Therefore, stop wondering whatever happened to Wendy – instead push open the door of your memory and start looking for Wendy.                  friends-are-foreever

                                            *******

And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything!

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ALONE BUT NOT LONELY

Published on by Brigitte Nioche2 Comments

alone but not lonely - Brigitte Nioche

When I first lost my husband it was a difficult time. I felt lonely. I felt left behind. Daily life was not fun anymore and the worst thing was to go to a restaurant. Sitting alone and seeing mostly couples around me made me wonder if the world really moves in sets of twos?

But with the passing years things changed. Now when I sit in a restaurant and look closer at couples – older and younger – who I envied before  – I see something else.  Some look like they wished they were somewhere else. Some don’t say a word to each other all through their meal. Some are on their cell phones, and sometimes both are. But if only one is busy on the phone their partner looks increasingly displeased.

Observing this I feel relieved and grateful that I can just enjoy my glass of wine, and  going even step further I remember my blessings:

  • I don’t have to cook everyday
  • I can come home late or later – or not at all
  • I can buy that expensive handbag without having to justify my purchase
  • I can stay up as late as I want
  • I don’t have to wash socks
  • I can travel anywhere I feel like going
  • I am free to do what I want- when I want

These are just a few of my reason, but I am sure every single woman reading this and enjoying her freedom has her own list. Would it be too much to ask to share it with us? Grateful if you could leave a comment!

And never forget – A Smile changes everything!

Brigitte

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Available on Amazon

THE GOLDEN GIRLS

Published on by Brigitte NiocheLeave a comment

 

Image result for the golden girls

  • We watched them
  • We laughed with them
  • We thought they were funny
  • We loved them

But today so many years later it looks like the writers of this TV show were ahead of their time. They addressed a need and gave a solution for something so many seniors  are facing today, namely living alone. And for most of these older people it is not their choice, but a reality which is hard to change, and which circumstances of life have imposed on them.

So here come the Golden Girls – not long ago I read an article – sorry I forgot the name of the publication – but since the article was so a propos I didn’t forget what I had read. It was about three women who have put this idea in motion, and they were grateful for

  • not to being alone anymore
  • knowing if they fell sick somebody would be there to help
  • sharing meals
  • sharing expenses – which allowed them to live in a nicer place
  • sharing their thought and feelings with another human being

Of course what to watch out for was also mentioned

  • never buy a house together with another person
  • there has to be just one owner – it leaves the door open for everyone to come and go if things don’t work out
  • have house rules re cleaning, cooking time, meals, etc.
  • take your time to make a commitment
  • look at many options before you do
  • and above all
  • make sure you like the person

Shortly after I had read this article there was a television show about three men living together, about 65 to 75 (my guess) and when they were asked how it felt sharing a house and their life, they said laughingly while pushing each other like school boys, “We haven’t had so much fun in years.” And they truly looked happy and alive.

Of course these are the pioneers. But every major change and movement started with a few who eventually convinced the rest of the world – and here we are speaking about the fast growing group of older people looking for solutions to their changing world.

                                                                     ********

Most of the Golden Girls have left us, but we are lucky to still have Betty White. What a role model! Over 90 her enthusiasm for life is contagious. She looks nice, is well dressed, and always has a positive attitude. Is that why she is still round? Maybe? Whatever the answer staying positive is like sunshine making your days brighter and your life happier.

Image result for the golden girls

Thank you Golden Girls for the years of laughter and sunshine  you gave us and for showing us a way of life that could just make the difference in our life now!                                  

                                                    ************             

And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything

Brigitte

 

IS BEING MULTILINGUAL THE ANSWER?

Published on by Brigitte Nioche4 Comments

This is the result of a study done in Luxembourg. A country where, through proximity of other countries, people speak at least 2 if not 3 languages – German, French, Luxembourgish.

The study was done by Magali Perquin of the Department of Health and it concluded that  compared with other countries the percentage of older people with dementia is lower in Luxembourg, 3.8 % against 6.4% in Europe, 7.1% in Latin America and 8% in Canada.  They believe there is a strong possibility that it is the result of people speaking several languages.

It has long been said that challenging the brain with mental exercises like Crossword Puzzles will help to keep individual brain cells alive. But maybe doing crossword puzzles is not your thing? Therefore, could learning French be an option?

No, it’s not too late. Quite the contrary. It might be the answer to the question many older or retired people ask – how can I find a new purpose or an activity to occupy my time? And if it is not French you want to learn but you wouldn’t mind speaking another language, think of your vacation or travel plans – going to Italy next? Wouldn’t it be nice to order your dinner in Italian?

An added advantage to taking classes – no, not  on-line- will be that you meet other like minded people – and you never know who you might meet and who is ready to go to Italy too!

couple in luxembourg

And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything

Brigitte

 

 

BLESSED AT THE BEGINNING OF LIFE AND AT THE END

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Today is the end of the school year here in Manhattan, and while I was out I met Simone who had just picked up her daughter Corey (9 years old) from school. Corey had a big smile when she said,

“You know I am off for the summer now?”

“That’s great!” and without thinking I added “So am I!”

She looked surprised and I went on to explain,

“You know we have that in common. When you are young, like you, you have free time and when you are old….er, like me, you have free time too.”

I don’t think she understood. I gave her a high-five and walking home it occurred to me that there are other things the young and old..er have in common;

  • we have free time
  • we have people who take care of us
  • we have people who love us
  • we are learning – they go to school – we learn from them
  • we don’t have to work
  • we have little or no responsibilities

So being a kid or old…er, like being a Grandmother, are the best of times.

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And Always Remember – A Smile Changes Everything

Brigitte

Before sharing my experience about an aid who took care of my mother, I want to say that when the day comes I need somebody around the clock to take care of me I won’t rejoice. It won’t be such a good day. But once over the first chock I will be grateful that there are people willing to do what is not always a pleasant task. Unfortunately it was not how my mother saw it when the time came and Anna moved into her apartment to look after her.

Anna was a kind and gentle soul who had recently arrived in the US from Poland and who spoke little English. My mother complained about it, and when I suggested it would be a worthwhile project for her to teach Anna English her response was,

“I am not here to teach her English, she is here to take care of me.”

They struggled along for the next few weeks and when I came for dinner one night my mother said, “Just so you know I let Anna go to church last Sunday.”

“That was nice of you” I replied  wondering who wanted to get rid of whom? I found out soon enough. I met Anna in the lobby when I was leaving and  after asking her how things were I said,

“I heard you went to church last Sunday! Which church did you go to Anna?”

“Church? Me? No Anna not church, Anna sandwich.”

Anna only stayed for a few more weeks, but I have never forgotten the incident. With a kinder attitude on my mother’s part they could have enjoyed a sandwich together!

********

And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything

BrigitteAlice O'Connor Art 144

http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Over-Growing-Older-Positive/dp/069262385X/

P.S. If you have a story to share, I would love to hear it. Please leave a comment or email me – bbnnic@gmail.com – so that we can post it here. Thank you.

WHY WRITERS WRITE

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I am usually not good at tooting my own horn, but today I would like to make an exception and share with you this interview about why and how I write.

                  Getting Over Growing Older

An interview with author Brigitte Nioche

                                   BooksGoSocial

May 31, 2016 | Interviews

Today we are chatting to Brigitte Nioche author of Getting Over Growing Older: How to Change Your Life by Staying Positive

Tell us something unexpected about yourself!

Love doing things out of the box, and enjoy proving the rules and regulations wrong, and when things become more difficult I become more determined to succeed- it’s the rebel inside me

What kind of books do you write?

Self-Help and Memoir/Self Help
What inspired you to write?

Observing people and their life makes me want to help them find a better way

What makes your writing stand out from the crowd?

I write with humor about serious things, never forgetting common sense and a down-to-earth approach – here is comment from a reader.

I liked your book very much. I particularly like your consistent message of staying positive and I also enjoyed learning more about your very interesting life. I think that your advice to older people is excellent. You have succeeded in presenting  good advice in a way that is fun to read and think about. It was a treat to read it.

What is the hardest part of writing – for you?

Working alone – and not being able to share before the work is done and the book is written

Where do you like to write – what is your routine?

In my office – and once I start writing I have trouble stopping and just keep going –

What do you do when you are not writing – do you have a day job?

I volunteer 2 days a week – I go to the movies very often – spend time with my family – and travel

Do you work with an outline or just write?

No, I just write – ideas come while working

What advice would you have for other writers?

Write what you feel passionate and strongly about – don’t write for an audience – writing being hard work should be rewarding and satisfying when you done – you must be happy with the result
How important is marketing and social media for you?

I know it is important – but I am not a fan of it and often struggle with it but I need to use it to get the book and myself (blog) out there

What’s your next step?

Selling my book in any way possible – -contacting reviewers -mailing books out to newspapers -writing a blog on social media -and any other avenue that I will find

Getting Over Growing Older is available here

http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Over-Growing-Older-Positive/dp/069262385X/

————

I thank you for taking the time to read this

And never forget – A Smile Changes Everything

Brigitte